My "God Stop" Today
So it kills me to say this, but I haven't been a good mom in walking out my relationship with God for my children to see (Haddie really). To be honest, I've been struggling the last couple of years and it hasn't been until recently that I have been "involving" Him in daily activities.
I want my children to love the Lord! I want them to experience that same passion and all consuming love that I've experienced, and I want to be the one that inspires that. It has been my desire since I've had her, and I couldn't muster it up on my own. Believe me I tried!
Since experiencing some real freedom recently we have started praying together as a family and also just me and the girls. Haddie quietly watches us, taking it all in. I am sharing this with you because today, *sigh* today I experienced something that I don't think I can relay with the same burning passion it created in me.
My dad is going through some really hard things right now. While talking on the phone with my mom I told her I would be praying for him. Haddie, who was standing next to me, closed her eyes, said a few sentences (I can't tell you how badly I wish I had understood what she said!) and loudly said amen as she lifted her head and opened her eyes.
It brings tears to my eyes just retelling it. Not because she prayed, although, that is incredibly sweet and is enough to bring tears to this hormonal set of eyeballs, but I cry because He is so faithful! My heart yearned to be a mother who's love for the Lord created a desire in my children to pursue that same Lord, and today I saw a glimpse of that same yearning in God's heart.
Is there anything more tender than the prayers of a child?!?! I think not.
Ty,
ReplyDeleteI hear you. As anyone who knows me (your sister included) well, knows I have been walking through a spiritual desert since about the time Anna was born. She's eight. It's been so depressing at times. I still look faithful, I still am faithful, but I can't get back to that little girl I once was who was so in love with Jesus. I am just now getting to a place where I "feel" close to Him again. Of course, He never left and my perceptions only feel like reality. I think for women especially, and maybe especially during our child bearing years, it's so difficult to stay the calm, righteous, holy woman we want to be. There's too many diapers, baby tylenol, hormones, husbands, grocery shopping, bill paying, laundry to do. I firmly believe in seasons of our lives, and you won't be in this one forever! At times, you're going to feel wonderfully close to Him and at times you aren't. Everyone in the bible did too. Stay faithful, love your kids, enjoy your days on earth. Teach the basics to your girls and let them sink in yourself. God wants us to be like these little children anyway, and at these crazy mothering times, it's all we can do! You've already been saved, hon, and you don't need to prove it to anyone, much less yourself.
Thanks, Lyssa! How incredibly encouraging! It is so wonderful to hear other mothers share their struggles to let you know you're not along. I so appreciate the transparency! It's exactly what i needed to hear.
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